It seems every summer I have to take a by, one week occurs when I just can't get it together, this is that week. I am in Northern California visiting my mother. I left my Mac charger in Sebastopol, a stopover among vineyards to visit my god daughter. No one here has a Mac or if they do they are new and upgraded and their chargers don't fit my little dinosaur. In lieu of my weekly poem I am sharing a list of how I am coping with my unique trip, in which I have brought along a twelve-year-old girl I hope to adopt. My two adopted boys tolerate and enjoy and hate her. I am using a "Getty image" for now, until I can replace it when I am home, but the small boat against the big one feels apt right now. I didn't want to pay the ten dollars to have the watermark removed (thank you Mike_Kiev). I hope mid-summer finds you wellest, dear reader!
Photo by Mike_Kiev/iStock / Getty Images
How To Survive the Bastards (or anything)
1. You must have a minor rebellion. Wearing no underwear is one of the best.
2. Muttering "I hate you" under your breath is permissible, but only once a day, it is a bad habit and words strain to be heard by another human ear.
3. Stay hydrated. Find liquid that thrills you. I dislike plain water, so I add green powders, brew mason jars of mint tea.
4. Have a sanctuary, mine is the bathroom. Because I do number #4, I avail myself of its peace and quiet often.
5. Indulge in non-harmful drugs. Yesterday I had four cups of decaffeinated tea. Best to not drink much alcohol, abstinence alone gives you leagues of leverage. Kombucha takes its place. I promise.
6. Have support. Yesterday I made it halfway through the day with no underwear and then putting some on was a hug from the Great Mother.
7. You must move. Cortisol is poison. Shake your shoulders, bend at the waist. Walk or run until you sweat. Daily is best.
8. Read. Read. Read. For me, true stories are the best. I just finished "Jarhead" a memoir about a marine. My troubles imploded back to proper proportions.
9. Keep it simple. Paper plates (recycled!) some nights.
10. Sleep, the best medicine ever.
11. See everyone and everything in a beautiful golden bubble and let them float, happily peacefully away from you toward their own perfect destiny, imagine yourself in a tunnel of shimmering light connected to heaven above and the earth below.
12. If all of the above fails, pray. If all of the above works, pray anyway. Pray for perfect outcomes. Pray for peace on earth. Pray for all people and salmon and fig trees.